What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 23.06.2025 12:28
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I couldn’t, believe it.
How is it safe to put tape on your mouth at night?
When she asked me how she looked .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why won't Canada build their own fighter jet?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
One cannot live in the past .
I could never make a relationship work though!
Why does Russia support Palestine in the Middle East conflict?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I never cut or harmed myself..
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But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She wouldn,t have been !
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
It has been said that people with ADHD can often hyperfocus. Can that be an advantage?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
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Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Why did i forgive my father ?
What is the central theme of the entire Bible in one word (if possible)?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
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I waited trembling.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
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He knew the spot.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
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Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I write beautiful poetry .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
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You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im still living with it.
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I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
What did i know ?
I was seconnd youngest,
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She was in good health!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She found it foreign!.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
So, i spoilt her more .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I will be 64.
Put me off passion for life!!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
(And it was in our own minds.)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My family never makes their pension either.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I was scared of men, in general
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Comes on , in middle age.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She loved him until the end.
But, we were locked up after school.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I think the readers, may guess!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I don,t even have a pension.
As i do to all so called friends.?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was 9 years of age.
She married twice! .
I have no regrets .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We were not on the streets..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
It was going to be , some day.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
So whats the point in blame.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We all went to grammer schools
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
All the time i was locked up.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He resisted the act ,that day.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But ive been too sick for many years..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Was to survive, this bastard.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Who then, do I blame.?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Ive learnt so much.
This is soul school!.
But it wasn’t much.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Would this be the day?
I said to her
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My life is so biszare .
I was very sick at this time too.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And i lived it daily.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Especially a lifetime of it.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!